Well...the anniversary of our first miscarriage passed this week. Luckily my day at school was VERY busy with my kiddos. This really helped I wasn't able to really think about it. However, that evening we had a basketball game, my husband is an assisstant coach for our lady basketball team at our alma mater. This brought MANY memories and feelings flooding back. Since we had basketball games last year and it was pink night again, just like last year. I did good, I think. As I was driving home from the game I was listening to K-Love on the radio, and a song (can't remember which one) came on that talked about God giving you the strength to go on and be strong. I just fell apart because I know it's true, God is there, but it's so hard to be positive all the time. *sigh*

I got a phone call from the dr. office Friday saying I was scheduled for my yearly on Tuesday. I am glad it is - I don't go back to my doctor until March 16 to discuss what the neonatal specialist said, so I'm hoping we can discuss this at my yearly on Tuesday. Because honestly, I am ready to start trying now, and to wait until March 16 to find out what I need to do is just not going to be okay with me.

I have been following many posts of bloggers that are having infertility issues. I'm nervous to actually "follow" them, by adding them. But I'm sure here soon I will. I find it so amazing the friendships and support they have found through other bloggers with the same issues.

I have heard many times this week, with the anniverssary of our miscarriage, how strong and amazing I am. Too bad I don't feel that way. I feel like a swan on water. Above water the swan is so smooth and glides across the water, but below the water they are paddling like crazy. That is EXACTLY how I feel. On the outside I feel as though I have kept my composure pretty well, I place the smile on my face and go through the day to day routine. But on the inside I feel as though I'm wilting. I fight the pain and sadness, the anger and jealousy, so many emotions that I'm not used to feeling and I do NOT like feeling. *sigh* it will get better. I know it will. I will continue to pray that these inner feelings will pass.

On a happy note, my brother called on Friday and asked if J and I wanted to meet him for lunch today! It was great catching up with him! He is my baby brother and I love him dearly! He will graduate college this year and we have always had a very special and close relationship!

Hope all is well with you!
J