I have a Dream

Well, I do have a dream....I dream that I will be a mom....and I HOPE that it will be soon!!

The past couple of nights I have dreamt that I was pregnant or having a baby. So I don't know if that's my wishful thinking or if it's a sign! :)

I swear it feels like EVERYONE around me is having a baby. Three out of my eight closest friends are pregnant! And then one is trying to get pregnant. So that's almost 1/2 of my closest friends that are already preggers. Then there's TONS that aren't my closest friends but are friends who are pregnant or just had their baby too. It just stinks. I just wish I could join them!

OH! And if I have to hear "Having a baby is the most amazing thing ever -- you will Love it and be forever changed" I will scream. Like, I KNOW that it will be beyond amazing to have a baby. Thinking about having a little one almost bursts my heart -- I know actually getting to hold my little one WILL burst my heart! Also, I think once you've lost a baby you appreciate everything so much more. I will take NOTHING for granted!

Easter was good. I wasn't around any cute little Easter babies! :) No it was a good time with family. I hope I'm pregnant. Little over a week and I'll find out. I am praying hard!

"Ovulation" Week

This week has SUCKED! I hate the week that I am supposed to ovulate - I am the craziest person I know! And I HATE it! I realize that trying to have a baby works better when you aren't obsessed but what are you going to do?

This week I have felt like people have treated me poorly. Every idea I had at work was QUICKLY shut down - every time I felt pretty NO ONE commented/noticed. Crazy right? Not that people acted that way - but that my mind CONVINCED me this was happening. I'm sure nothing was different. But I was such a crazy wreck this week that's how I felt!!

I have wanted to cry like every day....I'm just so tired of it. I'm so tired of EVERYONE being pregnant. I'm so tired of EVERY t.v. show being about people wanting kids. Like I'm watching Grey's Anatomy right now and every couple is talking about kids. I'm tired of wishing I was pregnant. I'm tired of my medicine making me larger. I'm just tired. tired. tired. tired. tired. tired. tired. tired.

I don't want to feel this way anymore - I just want it to be over. I just want to be a mom. Please God, Please please please. I so badly want to be a mom. My heart aches and I can't take it anymore.