Sweet Eliana

Alright, Miss Eliana, This letter is to you, and it's not the letter about how sweet and wonderful you are. Because you are sweet and wonderful. But you are also ornery and a handful as well. And recently we have seen more of that than the sweet.

Your daddy dropped you off at daycare this morning and was told that you have started pulling hair and hitting at daycare. We were FLABBERGASTED! Shocked! I couldn't believe it. Yes, you throw fits at home every so often, but this just shocked us. So, all day I thought of you, all day I wondered how your day was going, all day I wondered what can we do different to help Eliana?, all day I wondered if we were making the right choice by moving, the right choice by picking our new daycare, making the right choice when we put you in time out, making the right choice when you get a swat (which is very rarely), making the right choice when we give you something to eat for dinner that we know you're going to eat, because we know that you didn't eat anything all day at daycare. SO many questions, parenting is beyond the hardest thing I have ever done.
So, after school I rushed out and rushed to your daycare to hopefully get there in time to talk with your teacher. Ms. Laura sat down and explained that she thinks you're still adjusting, you are trying to figure out if you are a big girl or a baby. She told us that you are one of the older ones in the room (there are 12 of you 3 year olds). She told us academically you are probably further along than most, when it comes to talking, you don't talk like a baby anymore and you are more advanced there as well. But socially you are still acclimating, you are still trying to figure out where you stand - are you going to be one that sits back and watches, are you going to be one that gets walked all over, or are you going to be one that stands up and bullies, or are you going to be a positive leader?

This was our first true bad report from someone about you Eliana. It was sad, and hurtful as your momma to sit and listen to how you've been behaving by hitting, or screaming, or throwing toys across the room. I can't believe my sweet Eliana is acting this way. Sure, you do it on occasion at home, but everyday at school? wow.

So, you are starting a sticker chart. And hopefully with some good days and positive reinforcement at home we will curb this behavior now. I have four little boys in my fourth grade class this year that are having anger management issues - Eliana, we are working with you now because I do not want you to be a fourth grader unsure of how to handle yourself when you get upset. The problem is, I'm unsure of how much you fully understand. When I asked you today if you hit one of your friends today, you told me no. When I kept asking you finally said yes. Do you know that you're lieing? Are you lieing to get out of trouble? or did you just change your answer because you knew that's what I wanted to hear? I don't know. I don't know what you understand versus what you don't understand at this point.

Okay, I am not writing this to make you read it someday and feel bad, I'm not writing this to say how awful of a kid you are. Because, Eliana, you truly do have a very sweet heart. I write this 1. because it is currently consuming my thoughts and if I don't write it out I might explode and 2. I want you to look back someday and see where you came from. Also, some day when you have kids and you're feeling like you're such a failure of a mom, you can read this and know that your mom felt the same way at one point. I know I'm not a failure, I know that parenting is tough, I know I'm doing what is best for you (or at least hoping), but currently I am feeling lost and unsure of what direction to go for you. But we will work together, and I will not stop until we have helped you through this stage Eliana. I know you are acting out for a reason, and we will help you.

Alright, before we end this sad and negative post, let's end with a positive. Tonight when you laid down in bed with your daddy he leaned over and kissed you and said, I love you Eliana. You rolled over, kissed your daddy and said, I love you too daddy. Then you rolled over to go back to bed after a little bit, you said, "oh, happy birthday daddy". :) See, Eliana, you are thoughtful and you are sweet and I know you can be the fourth grade student that is the positive Class Role Model some day, we just have to continue to work at it.

I love you sweet girl.
Love,
Mommy