Everything is great

Gosh Little Girl!

It's been forever since I've written anything! I've thought about writing things once in a while and then I think.....everything is going great there's really nothing to write about! :) which I personally think is fabulous! :)

Let's see, your daddy and I took a birthing class in December. We learned a whole lot about what to expect on the day you come into the world! We feel very prepared and ready! :) Your daddy even got to wear what they call an empathy belly! It actually did make him realize it's a little more difficult for me to move around! :)

We got to see you again at 30 weeks. They estimated that you were weight 3 pounds 14 ounces!! So our doctor estimated that you were going to be born at about 8 1/2 pounds!! Which isn't too much a surprise to us because your daddy was almost 10 pounds and I was just about 8.

Christmas was wonderful this year with all our family! Overall, it was a great holiday! :) We went to Iola and spent some time with your daddy's family and then we went and spent time with mommy's family in Buhler.

This is a picture of mommy and daddy on Christmas Eve. Mommy is 32 weeks in this photo!

Your cousin Rebekkah was very excited for Christmas this year! She can't wait until you are here to hang out with! And she can't wait till next Christmas when she'll have a playmate to help open gifts!

The Reeves family at Christmas 2010! Your Uncle Andrew, Auntie Jami, Uncle Matthew, Papa, Mimi, Rebekkah, mommy and daddy! :)

When we got back to Ottawa after Christmas we worked on your nursery!! We love it!! It is beautiful and you are going to look precious in there!! Here's a picture of your beautiful bedding, and your set up! :)

We just have to wait about 6 more weeks and we'll get to meet you!! Mommy and daddy are very ready and can't wait!!!!

We saw you!!!

Dear Little Girl!
The other weekend we went to a wedding! You did not let me enjoy the meal...I ate your daddy's baked potato, your daddy's roll, and a few of my green beans. Your daddy ate the pork and chicken from our plates! :) BUT, you did really enjoy the cookies and milk that they offered!
But I would say that your favorite part was the dance! You were kicking like crazy! And at times you even kicked to the beat!!

Then, last weekend we went to Buhler for your cousin, Rebekkah's, birthday party! Your cousin was so funny at times. Your Aunt Jami bought you a bunch of clothes and as she was showing them to me, Bekkah became very upset because they weren't for her! :) I know you and Bekkah will be best of friends, but I do think it will take Miss Bekkah a little while to adjust once you're here! :) Rebekkah isn't used to having to be careful around me. You didn't appreciate it the times she plopped down on you! You also didn't care for it when she used you as her little seat! She's used to sitting on my lap, but when she would go to sit she'd land on my belly (you) and just stay there! lol

The other night, 11/4, you gave your daddy and I a great gift! You were moving around and we could see you!! We just laid in bed and stared at my stomach for like 20 min watching you move around! It was so cool! :) It was a perfect gift, because mommy had a very bad/stressful week - and so that helped it improve!!

Also, you were in your first accident yesterday. I was heading in to work early, and it was still pitch dark outside. When a huge deer (buck) jumped out from behind another car and I hit it straight on. You were so nice (or angry at me) and you kicked me immediately after it happened - which was reassuring that you were okay! My car is not very good....we will see what the insurance people say. But I'm glad you are a tough cookie!

Love you little girl!!
Mommy

Feeling the Baby

Little Girl you are kicking and swimming like crazy now! It is so wonderful. Yet, you do like to take a few days and be really still and quiet and then at the most random time you flip and twist for like 20 min straight! For example, when I was reading to my small reading group. I actually had to pause because you took me by surprise! :)

Your daddy has been trying to feel you kick. He'll put his hand on my belly and talk to you. You have kicked him a couple of times - but he has never been able to feel it. Well, the other night, October 20th, he was feeling my belly and kinda singing what will probably be your name. And you kicked him! Your daddy goes: was that her!? And I said yep! And he was so excited! :) You made your daddy's night! :)

It was actually the perfect date to kick your daddy too! October 20th, 2004 was the first time your daddy and I talked to each other. :)

You're growing and growing and growing! It is great! :) Here's a picture of your mommy and you are 23 weeks!

We've been working on your nursery! Your Grandma H and I scrapped all that icky wall paper off your walls so now it just needs to be primed and then your mommy and daddy need to pick the decor we're going to use!

Alright, little girl, we get to hear your beautiful heartbeat again on Monday! We go in for another appointment!! I can't wait for February!! :)

We are having a Beautiful Baby GIRL!

Princess Girl, this post is for you so you can know how your mommy and daddy felt and how the day went when we found out it was you inside us! :)

This morning was a cold morning. When I got into my car it was 45 degrees!!! Nothing fit me this morning. I had a small meltdown and I texted your daddy to call me. He called me and I asked him to take this evening off (he had to work at the golf course after our appointment this afternoon). He said he couldn't but he promised to take me shopping this week for new clothes! I can no longer button my pants and my shirts are too tight!! It is not fun having to readjust your clothes all day! So I am excited to get clothes that fit -- but I have to wait until Thursday.

My day consisted of meetings all day and your daddy had work. Your cousins Joseph, Jessica, Tex and Tally came in from Japan today! They stopped by to see your daddy at work and they pulled me out of a meeting to see me and how big you were growing in my tummy! They didn't think you were that big! :) You are going to love hanging out with your family when you get here!

I left work at 2:00 this afternoon and picked your daddy up from work. Now it was a beautiful day! No longer cold, it was 78 degrees! Perfect weather for the perfect girl! :) I picked up your daddy and then I had to stop by the house. I had been told to take things to record your ultrasound on - just in case they could! So I grabbed a CD, VHS (which by the time you can read this you'll have NO IDEA what those are!) and our video camera...just in case!

The whole time we drove I kept making small talk with your daddy because I was so excited/nervous to find out who you were!! :)

We pulled up to the dr. office at 3:20!!! Our appointment was scheduled for 3:20! We rushed upstairs to check in and then we sat there until 4:00!!!! I about went nuts waiting to get my name called!!! We went in to the ultrasound room and she told me that none of what I brought would work to record the sonogram!!! lol so we stopped for nothing! But luckily she had an extra blank dvd for us!! :)

So we started to get to see you! And you are perfect!!! The ultrasound tech kept saying how perfect you looked! Every limb measured correctly. Your brain (head) measured correctly. And we saw all the chambers of your heart - which looked perfect!! Then we went to see if you wanted to show us if you were a boy or a girl!! It took the tech just a minute and then she said, you're having a girl!! And I squealed a little and cried a little and was just beyond excited!!!! I am so happy to be having you precious girl!! :) Your daddy was very excited!! As SOON as we got back out to the waiting room he started to look on his phone for Pink yankees stuff!! :)

Then we watched you move a little, you kicked a whole bunch for your daddy and me to see!! It was so fantastic!

Everyone is so excited to be welcoming you come February!! Emma and Rebekkah cannot wait to have another TWO girls to play with! Because Miss Ellarie will be coming in December!

Precious Princess, you are so beautiful, so perfect, and so wonderful!! And you are truly a Gift from God! We love you very much!!
Love,
Mommy

Bekkah and the Fair

This weekend John and I went to Buhler for the State Fair! I don't know if it's because I am pregnant so I decided I could eat everything and anything!! Or if I really was Craving it all!! I really didn't eat too much - I just ate more than most years! :) mmmm.....it was so delicious!!

So, since we were in Buhler we of course got to hang out with Miss Rebekkah! There are a few stories to share! Apparently, my boobs are growing. Because when Rebekkah gave me a hug when I first go there she leaned back and began to poke them. I said, Hey! Those are my boobs! And she poked them and said "boob". She was obsessed with them all weekend. Crazy girl!

So, Saturday night the poor girl was so exhausted after being at the state fair all day! Well, she was sitting up at the stove helping to make macaroni and she leaned over and placed three of her fingers on the buner! It ended up with her going to the ER with 2nd degree burns to all three fingers! Poor thing! She was MUCH better after she got tylenol with codine! :) They told Jami and Matt that she might pass out from the meds....oh no...not Rebekkah! She was crazy hyper and silly!! :)

So Sunday, John and I get to church and Rebekkah is in the nursery with her mom and another little girl and her dad. Well, when we stand to sing I turn around and wave at Rebekkah. She proceeds to yell, "Nena! Nena! Nena!!" super loud for everyone to hear! I definetly feel loved when that little girl is around! She had to come out and sit with her Aunt Jenna and Uncle John for a little while!

After church one of the ladies was talking to me and she asked Rebekkah, is Aunt Jenna going to have a baby? And Rebekkah goes, Uh Huh! and proceeds to lean down and lift up my shirt to show her where Aunt Jenna's baby was!! LOL - such an adorable little girl!!

Alright, so speaking of my baby. I am 18 weeks pregnant!! And I am 2 weeks away from finding out if our little one is a boy or a girl!! :) I have been feeling much better.....still taking the zofran..I'll probably try this weekend without it. It is causing some bathroom issues for me!! There are so many things that are a pain when you're pregnant and you wonder if you'll ever be normal again after pregnancy! I sure hope some of the things go away! Like the Headaches!! They have been awful!!! But it's so worth every pain and ache and sickness!!!

Baby Ella has arrived! So Mr. Lincoln and Ella are both here! They are both doing great! And Mommy hood must be crazy because the momma's are on facebook less and less!! :) But I'm looking forward to hearing all the stories someday!! :)

Alright, off to work on school work and eat some dinner!

Felt the little one! :)

So yesterday, 9-1-10, I was sitting at my back table in my calssroom grading spelling folders when something moved inside of me! At first I thought, Oh no! Something is loose inside me! (I thought kidney, stomach, what could it be!?) and then I remembered.....Oh! It was probably the baby!! :) That's right I for sure felt my little one! Then today I have felt it two more times! So AWESOME! I can't wait for it to be more consistent!

I hope our little one moves more and more so John can feel him/her soon! :)

Ella May Canter also came into the world yesterday! So exciting!!! :)

LINCOLN IS HERE!!

My good, good friend C has Mr. Linc yesterday!! SUPER early in the morning -- so it feels like he's been here for days but he hasn't!! He is so, so precious!!! I'm very excited for her! :)





That's all I have. I'm just excited about Lincoln!! I can't wait to hear all the details of everything because it will give me more insight! :)

Okay, and here's a photo of me. I still feel chubby and not really preggers. I can't wait for the next couple weeks to come so the bump will become more baby like! :)

But there it is...16 weeks and still cooking!! God is So Good!!

I'm better! :)

Thanks for reading my rant on my last post! lol It's so funny - cuz I posted that on last Wed. and then Thursday and Friday were AMAZING days!! I felt good, I had energy!! I even came home from work and COOKED for my hubby!! :) It was great!!

Then, this weekend we tried no "magic pill" (zofran - I take one every evening which then helps with the morning and the next day) for the weekend. See how I was doing. Well, Saturday was great!! I was my normal good self! :) Then Sunday...I woke up...and I was sick! John finally convinced me to take a pill about 4:30 that afternoon....I was SO sick - I think I was awake a full 2 1/2 hours before 4:30 - lol - I slept a lot. :) Soooo...I'm back taking the magic pill! :) I'm too nervous to not take it for the school week! :)

It's so weird...I guess I should feel blessed that I have been sick....because that is the ONLY thing still making me think I'm pregnant! it's been almost 4 weeks since I got to see my little one! :) And I think I'm starting to show....but it's kinda like....hmmm...did she sit on the couch all summer and eat! or is she preggers!? lol - so it's not very obvious! I thought I would show so much faster! :) But that's okay. So I guess in a weird way I should be happy I'm sick! :)

OH! We agreed on a girl's name! We decided to keep our names secret - but it's cool how the name came about. I was driving to work and I heard on the radio a name. And I REALLY liked it! So, I went home and told John the name....he kinda thought about it (He REALLY was set on another name we had picked. But my problem was, the names we had picked previously feel weird to me now - because this is the FOURTH baby I have thought of with that name...and it just feels weird - so I've been looking for possible other names). So I said, lets look up what the name means. So I find it online - and it means "God has Responded"!!!! How AMAZING!! John was like - Okay! That's the name! lol - It's just so perfect for what we've been through!! So I guess now I do kinda hope it's a little girl because we have the perfect name already agreed upon! :) If it is a boy, that'll be great too - we'll just have some work to find a name! :)

Two of my good friends' due dates are QUICKLY approaching! I look at thier pictures and it's crazy how "big" they are. Big is a bad word - because it's all baby!! But I don't think I've seen many people in their 39th week!! Bless their hearts it has to be hard! But their babies should be here so soon!!!! :)

My dear Emma (our Goddaughter) is turning two in two days as well! :) Man, time flies! I was checking my facebook info and it seems I just changed it a bit ago - and it said Emma was 9 months and Bekkah 7! Now they're both almost 2 YEARS old!!! Crazy! Glad all these babies are being added to our lives!! :)

Alright, I'm going to get some dinner!! :)

Warning! Complaint Blog

I need an outlet to complain so here it goes!

I'm just so ready to be enjoying this pregnancy! Right now I am exhausted beyond belief (I heard that was supposed to get better in trimester 2 then worse again for teh third) WEll,l I'm in my second trimester and I can't seem to get enough sleep! I sleep MANY hours at night; yet after school today I was SO tired! Left school as soon as possible and just woke up from a nap!

I feel sick like most of the time! The mornings are bad, and right around 3 into the evening and through the night are bad! I thought that was supposed to get better with time too!!

I have awful heartburn ALREADY! I can't imagine what it will be like come my third trimester!! I guess I'm just not used to every having heartburn - but it hurts!

I feel fat. I know, I know, I'm supposed to grow. But right now everything is tight, therefore, everything feels gross! And I'm starting to look like....hmmm...she's getting a tummy! I can't wait for it to get bigger so it looks like a baby bump not just large!! I guess I'll need to go buy some new pants of sorts. But even the maternity skirt I wore today was snug. Granted, it can still stretch but I don't want to wear snug clothes! I don't even wear my comfy pants around the house anymore - cuz they're not comfy they're tight! blech!

John goes: at least you're pregnant! Which is true -- but Gee Whiz! I have to just keep my eye on the prize!!! Come on february!! lol

Alright, rant is over. I feel slightly better! :)

Jenna :)

All Smiles

Life feels crazy! School is starting, August has already been busy for us, and we've announced our news! :) Life is really good! :)

So, last weekend we went to Tribune, KS (and Lamar, CO) for our Great friends Katie (Davis) and Jim Randolph's wedding ceremony! These are super important friends to us! Jim and John are best friends, and Katie was John were "brother and sister" through college. I also, was very close to both! I was Jim's "little sister that he never had and never really wanted" lol :) We love these two very dearly and we were thrilled to be able to be apart of their special day!


The HAPPY COUPLE walking out!

John and I! This is the only photo we got from the weekend!

John (Best man) and Jim! Stunning Men!

Alright, Pregnancy update. Everything is going great. We went for our 12 week checkup last Tuesday (we are 13 weeks today!) Everything went great at the checkup. I have gained 2 pounds in 12 weeks! lol - I kinda found that funny! So all was going great, and then the doctor pulled out the doppler to listen for the heartbeat, and she couldn't find it. So she told us not to worry sometimes this happens but she wanted us to get an ultrasound to be sure everything was good. As she left the room I tried to just keep it together and reassure myself, and John that all WAS okay!

So we went in for the ultrasound and the baby was immediately there! With a GREAT heartbeat!! :) The picture of our little 12 week baby is below!! :) We love him/her SO much already! :)

Other baby news! 1. John and I are getting another GodDAUGHTER! Amy and Dale are having a baby girl! :)

2. C is about to have Mr. L! So excited!! When I say about, Mr. L's due date is the 26th. but it could be any day! :)

3. K is about to have Miss E! She also could be any day....her due date is about a week 1/2 away to two weeks!

So many new joys in life!! Love it!! :)

NOSE

The WORST pregnancy symptom is the overpowering nose! I can smell everything - and most of it doesn't smell good! It's like my fridge. There is something in there....it's not bad or spoiled just some kind of food and it is DISGUSTING! I mean I live with two boys - so they bought something and put it in there but I can't breathe when I open the fridge! I think it's like the turkey deli meat or something. OR, like at my parents, their freezer had like peppers in it -- obviously not bad -- but it was SO overpowering when I would open the freezer! I just find it ridiculous that my nose has to smell EVERYTHING! :) But oh well! :)

So still working on child care - but my friend sent me a link which seems to be very helpful! :) So hopefully I can nail down a place soon! :)

John and I are heading to Tribune, KS this weekend for Katie and Jim's wedding ceremony!! :) We are very excited and can't wait to see them! We haven't seen them in forever! I don't think I've seen Jim since October when he and I watched the World Series (?) with the Yankees. I think that's what it was! :)

Off to do laundry and other things I need to accomplish! :)

Child Care

Okay, I'm working on finding our little one child care for the start of April. Though, some may think it's early to be doing this - I know, from working at a good daycare - that if you want to get in to a good one then you have to call now and get on the waiting list. In fact, I am probably too late anyways. Because people expecting in Feb have known for 12 weeks now and they have already called!! BUT....naturally I was waiting to make sure everything was good. Well....here is how the search is going so far:

Called first place: they were very nice - but the person I needed to talk to wasn't there. They are to call me back at 3. Awesome....that went good....let's call another.

Called the next and they were SUPER rude! They said: "We don't take infants" in a rude/snotty voice. I said oh, thanks. And hung up - while thinking -- and you won't take my toddler when I have one because you are rude! So this place will not be on the possible list EVER!

Called the next place....they don't take infants.

called the fourth place....they don't take infants (I'm running out of places because Ottawa doesn't have a lot of choices!!)

called the fifth place -- I have now learned to ask first if they take infants; here's our conversation:
me: "I am expecting a baby in Feb and I was wondering if you took infants"
Lady"Ummm....well....that means the baby will be six months......"
**slight akward pause**
me: "um..well..no, I'm having the baby in Feb."
lady: "oh" **slight akward pause**
me: I just didn't know if you took infants.
lady: "oh, I don't know.....maybe....you'll just have to call back and see...."
me (akwardly) "oh....okay......"
lady: well, we are hoping to switch our license....
me: oh, okay, thanks.

After this conversation I became overwhelmed and stressed because I am entrusting my child to a stranger and based on the intelligence of these strangers they don't even know if they take infants!!! that conversation could have been so much better and easier! After that one I called my sister to vent. She then called my last place on my list for me! LOL

Apparently, this finding a child care provider is going to be a lot more difficult than I thought! If I lived at home it would be really easy! I would have called the place I worked at as soon as I found out I was pregnant and put my child on their waiting list! I wouldn't even have to look around! But it's okay....I will find some place...I'm sure. :)

Alright....on to keep searching!! :)

So many things have been going on! I am the co-director of an American Baptist Senior High camp and it was last week! It was they best camp in our four years of directoring! Very minimal problems. Yet, I sometimes get very annoyed and can't control it so that was a wee bit difficult at times! lol. But camp was very good! And I hope next year is even better! :)

As for the baby I guess everything is going well. My doctor gave me zofran so I took it at night during camp so I wouldn't throw up in the mornings. I felt pretty normal at camp, thanks to the zofran! I tried to stop taking it after camp but decided I would keep taking it since the morning sickness was still there. It's hard to trust that everything is good with the baby when there really are no signs right now...except the morning sickness. But we do get to go back to the dr on August 3rd. And after that appointment if everything is good we get to make it public knowledge!!! :) I cannot wait!

So, I went to Buhler after camp because Joey's Diner was closing! This is the diner that I worked at growing up. It's sad that it's closing! it's also sad because people are moving on. Everything has been the same, I can come home to Buhler and I always know I can go visit the diner and see some of my dearest friends. Now, one might be moving to TN! It's okay, time moves on and we all survive! But it's still sad!

So, the other night I was hanging out with my family and we were teaching Rebekkah (my niece) where my baby was. She quickly caught on and started to lift my shirt and point at my belly. She then started to kiss the baby and slobber all over my belly! LOL - it was very cute! But the super funny part is when my dad came home and we told Bekkah to show Grandpa where the baby was. She went over to dad and lifted his shirt and pointed at his belly!! LOL super cute!

I think that's it for now!
God Bless,
Jenna

HUGE!!

I am almost 10 weeks pregnant and I feel HUGE!! I don't think others notice it....I can see it through my clothes...but I don't know if others can. I hope not since we haven't actually announced it yet. People may think I've gained so much weight!! But I'm serious, I cannot control my stomach! It is for sure bigger; it's ridiculous! Two more weeks and we will make it public knowledge! :) I can't wait!!

Morning sickness has been pretty intense this week. Luckily the doctor prescribed me some zofran for next week since I have camp. There's no way I would survive camp without it! I went in to work on camp yesterday and it was the first day I threw up outside of my home! After throwing up in Bud's office for the second time I came home to take a zofran and I was so dilerious and disoriented I stumbled up the stairs took a pill and literally passed out. But when I woke up I felt better! I would have to say that yesterday was probably the worst day with morning sickness. I just hope it ends soon!

The peeing!!! Oh my goodness!! I'm the type of girl who thinks going to the bathroom is a waste of time. LOL - I mean, it takes so much time throughout the day. So I go very minimally. Sometimes at school I go like three times a day -total. Which means I go my entire school day without going (but that's usually cuz I'm busy). ANYWAYS, now I'm going like every other hour. It's just so much in my opinion - and it's obviously just going to get worse!!!

My cousin Jessica called yesterday! She is sending me THREE boxes of maternity clothes!!! I am so excited!!! :) I have been wanting to buy something but it's not very realistic right now. So I am very excited to get the boxes and see all the new goodies!! :)

Lets see...anything else to share about my pregnancy....I don't think so. Even though all of the above is going on I have to say I am VERY excited! John and I are finally going to have our family! I can't wait! And I know it's going to go by fast! Once school gets here there will be no slowing down time! :) Life is so good!

Now, onto others and off of me! One of my best friends from HS had her baby boy this week. He was pretty early and had to go visit Wesley Children's hospital. I'm happy to report that he does seem to be doing better and hopefully he will get to go home soon! But I am praying hard for baby M and for Momma L.

I have to touch on all my preggo friends almost every post! :) Two of my good friends are rapidly approaching their due dates! I never realized how overwhelming the last month or so can be! with so much to accomplish and the excitement of adding a little one! And then, on top of it life is still going on which means all sorts of things could be happening! So I'm praying for C and K as the rap up their pregnancies. I pray for their little ones and their husbands. I pray for all the "life things" that are going on right now as well. Hopefully their last six weeks will quit being crazy and begin to be calm and easy for them!

A is basically EXACTLY 7 weeks ahead of me. So that would mean she is almost 17 weeks! HOLY COW! that's crazy!! I think her morning sickness is finally slowing down....praise God!

Camp starts Sunday! If you read my post please pray for a successful week! Pray I have the energy, pray the other Director has the energy, pray the band communicates and leads worship with God in mind, pray the counselors and leaders can lead with God leading their actions, pray for the campers that they calm their minds and open their hearts to hear God speak to them through their leaders that week! I feel good about camp and I know God is going to do amazing things!!!

And last but not least, I just need to say I have the most amazing families ever! I am truly blessed by my dad, mom, brother, sister, bro-in-law, niece! And I am one of the lucky people who got blessed by marrying into another great family: mom-in-law, dad-in-law, sis-in-law, bro-in-law, and of course all the cousins, aunts and uncles! :)

Have a happy Friday!! :)

Whoops

Well, we are 9 weeks. We went to the dr. today and again saw our little one. The heartbeat was 165!! Which is fantastic!!! :) The doctor actually told us that the chances of a miscarriage at this point, with our heartbeat and size of the baby, is very, very slim! So I am just a wee bit excited!

HOWEVER, about an hour ago a slipped and fell down our stairs. I think it scared me more than anything. But I do feel a litte ill now....hopefully it's just because I don't feel well. I'm not going to freak out until I have a reason to. I'm just going to trust in my Heavenly Father.

And now I feel I'm ready for a nap! :) Life is so good right now! And I am very happy!!

Whew!

Whew! Summer is flying! John and I just got back from Texas where we went to visit some family and friends! We had an aboslute blast! It was so much fun! We were able to relax and just hang out!

The first day we were down there John got kidney stones. Which wasn't so good but we took him to the ER and after some good ol' morphine he was better! Poor guy - I've never seen him in so much pain! Guess he got to experience some of the pain I will be having come Feb! :)

Camp is a week from Sunday! Which is crazy! Bud and I are still planning like crazy! We have a week to get things accomplished! Camp should be great! Right now we have 70 kids registered! Which is up by like 20 kids from last year! So it's good!

Baby is still doing good. I'm throwing up daily. I almost dread waking up because I know what is coming....but I guess it's reassuring to know everything's going well. I go back to see the little bean again on Tuesday. I wish I knew if it was a boy or a girl! But I'll wait patiently about 8 more weeks. I can't believe we're at 9 weeks! Just 3 weeks and we can make it public knowledge!! I don't know if I'll make it that far before sharing...I'm starting to feel a little bigger. I don't think I look bigger to other people (obviously I think I look a little bigger) but it's getting REALLY hard to suck in. REALLY hard! I've already had to unbutten some of my pants -- lol! But that's only because they were a little tight to begin with and now they're just MORE uncomfortable. Unfortunately. But I'm very excited for the baby in my tummy! The nervousness has basically passed. I'm still, you know, timid. But I'm feeling good. I think if I stopped throwing up I'd be really nervous! LOL but I'm hoping I stop at 12 weeks. I don't want to be throwing up every morning before school! But right now I don't ever see an end in sight! But it will come! And then the tummy will come!

Okay, that was a long paragraph about the baby. I shall move on!

My sister and mom and Bekkah are coming in for the weekend. Hopefully my dad can make it too but we'll see - he wasn't feeling well today. They're bringing Andrew's stuff because he is moving out of our house on Mon. He found an apartment and a roommate close to his work! I'll miss having him here -but I don't really see him that often to begin with. But I see him more now than when he moves out! My baby brother is growing up... :( All of us are so grown up now.

Until next time I hope you have many blessed days!!

Dear Lord,
Thank you so much for safe travels for John and I as we went to Texas and back. Thank you for blessing us with amazing family and friends who are willing to have us over for a few days! Lord, I pray for camp that is coming up. I pray that you give me the strength to make it through the week. Lord, I pray for B and I pray he is able to have the energy and health he needs as well. Lord, please heal B and help the doctors with his condition. Like Dr. O said, we're waiting on a miracle Lord and we know you will provide the answers when the time is right. Lord, I pray for each of the kids who are coming to camp. Please start being by their sides now preparing them for camp. Lord, also be with our leaders. As they begin to read the small group material help them hear what You have to say and help them lead through You. Lord, once agian, thank you for the blessing you have given John and I. We are really excited to raise your creation using Your word! We're excited to begin the journey together with you in growing this baby and then raising him/her! Lord you are amazing!! Love you! I pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

Sharing the News

Well, I haven't written in a long time.

We went to the Doctor on Tuesday - June 22nd. We saw our little bean!! :) And there was a HEARTBEAT!!!!!!!!!!! :) We have never been blessed with either of these things. The heartbeat wasn't quite as fast as they like but the doctor also said that it was lucky to see a heartbeat at all this early. We go back the 28th to check that the heartbeat is increasing! :)

So I've decided to publish these posts because we have told our families and the one friend I know who knows of this blog I also told! :) So no worries about people seeing this blog! :) We are still keeping our news secret from most but I have been getting sick EVERY morning for a week. SO, since we went home this past weekend and my family would hear me getting sick we just decided to go ahead and share the news with our immediate family! It is so nice to have shared! It makes it a little more real and I get to be a little more excited. John and I have the best families in the world!! Beyond supportive!! We love them very much!! We also have AMAZING friends!! VERY FEW know of our news right now but we know those few are praying for us and sharing in our joy!! I love it! :)

My life is so amazing right now! The next couple weeks are going to fly by and then it will be the beginning of August and we'll be able to shout it to everyone that we are pregnant!! :) John just keeps saying - lets get there first...lets get there first! :)

Dear Lord,
Thank you for blessing John and I! We feel very loved by our family and friends and You! Continue to have this little one grow inside of me! Help me be able to povide a good home inside of me until he/she needs to come out! Lord, I pray for all my friends who are getting ready to begin their journeys as mommies. L, C, and K are all due within the next month or two!! I pray you grant them peace of mind as they wrap up their pregnancies and that you continue to bless them and their families! Lord, I also pray for my other pregnant friends who are not getting ready to have their babies in the next couple months but who are still cooking their little ones! Continue to help provide them with what they need!
Lord, I pray for my Grandma as she prepares to attend her brother's funeral tomorrow. Please help my family handle Nick's passing.
Lord, I thank you for the blessing of a friend's babies being born early and yet being able to go home so fast!!! Lord you are amazing!! Continue to bless this friend and bless their new family!!
Lord, I pray these things in Jesus' name!! Amen!

Heart Burn!!!

June 16, 2010 11:31 pm



I LOVE the fact that I have heartburn right now! I NEVER have heartburn. I have only ever had heartburn during my pregnancies...though short I have always had it. So I LOVE that I have it right now...it's slightly reassuring! :)



If I saw blood this morning I haven't seen any since. I took today SUPER easy. But I'm thanking God for my successful day!



I also have felt sick today!! Praise the Lord!! I was queezy most the day but at the end around 9:00 I felt SICK! So I went ahead and headed up to bed to lie down. But I was so thankful for feeling sick! I actually had to cut my bible study time short because I thought I was going to throw up!!



Dear Lord, I'm sure not many pregnant women thank you for giving them heartburn and making them sick - But I thank you with all my heart! It is so reassuring to have those pregnancy symptoms! Tomorrow is a new day. Rest my heart and mind and help me trust in you that everything will be okay. I will make it to my Tuesday appointment and see my little bean with a little heartbeat! Lord, bring on the symptoms again tomorrow!! Thank you for the blessing you have given John and I. Continue to help us be calm during this nerve-racking time and bless us with our little one come February! With all my love! I pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

Begging God

June 16, 2010 10:41 a.m.



There was the smallest hint of blood today. I am BEGGING God to help this child be healthy! I am begging God to make the blood go away. I am trying not to freak out - any normal pregnant lady would not have noticed it. But knowing this is how it always starts..... But it was much less than any before so I'll pray and pray and continue to Beg God to grant me this child!



I have a friend who just had twins and they are in the NICU. Praise God they are doing well! I found myself this morning wishing I was even in her shoes. I know she is going through a hard time - and I shouldn't wish that but at least she has her babies!!



This morning I woke up and found a prayer in my inbox from a dear friend. I have only told my best friend and her husband sent me a prayer this morning. Praying for my unborn child. He said he felt like he needed to pray for us so he did. It is so reassuring to know they are praying as well!! I was just thinking last night that I wanted to tell EVERYONE just so I could have the prayers!! You know? And the sad thing is I'm not even publishing this post so even if someone stumbled across this they couldn't pray for me.



I just want this baby so bad!! Please God Please God Please God!!



Dear Lord,

Please, Please, Please, keep this baby healthy. Make the blood go away and continue to nurture this child! PLEASE bless John and I with this child. I cannot go through having to tell John again. I cannot go through it again. I know you only give us what we can handle but Lord I beg you to not make me go through this again. Please Lord! Lord, please settle my heart and calm my nerves. Help me trust in You and know that You will provide me with the strength I need. Lord, I pray again that you nurture my unborn child in my womb and continue to let it grow and survive! I pray all these things in Jesus' name. I love you. Amen.

Bowling and Worries

June 14, 2010 11:45 p.m.



So we went bowling tonight with some friends. The whole time I worried about not over-doing it. I bowled awful becasue I was so scared! Normal pregnant ladies wouldn't have to worry about this...but once you've lost a baby - and then two more - you tend to worry.



With my first pregnancy I remember my mom saying - don't over-do-it --- remember you're caring for two now. And I remember thinking I'm not going to be a wimpy pregnant lady. I'm going to continue my life and not make my husband wait on me hand-and-foot. Well, after that pregnancy my attitude changed. For example, my brother moved in with us and while we were setting up the room I basically "ordered" John around rather than do ANYTHING! I didn't want to put any force on my uterus than what was necessary. I went from being macho pregnant lady to doing nothing prgnant lady. And if it grants me the blessing of my little on in my arms!! I will take it!!



So, the nurse called about my Lovenox shots (I've been saying the wrong thing) the doctor wants to wait till we see a heartbeat. So my appointment has been moved up to next Tuesday afternoon. I will have an ultrasound then see my doctor!! I am praying, praying, praying I make it to Tuesday and everything looks great!!!



I didn't get anything accomplished today....oops! I did however take a 2 1/2 hour nap!! LOL - I was tired! :)



Thanks for staying posted with me!

Love,

Jenna



Dear Lord,

Thank you for this beautiful day and time to hang with friends tonight. Thanks for protecting my little one as we bowled!! I still feel great and I thank you for that. Thank you for the blessing inside me and please protect and keep him/her healthy!! I cannot wait until Tuesday to see our little one, I pray for a happy and healthy nine months and I know all things are possible through you!! Thank you Lord for the blessing of family. I pray these things in Jesus' name! Amen.

God is Amazing!

Alright, here's the plan. I am writing this blog to have my thoughts and feelings down on paper. I plan to print it at the end of the year. But from now until August I will be keeping my posts private. (if I can figure out how) because.........





I'm Pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Yep, God is Amazing!! So, I'm pretty sure I wrote on here maybe a month ago that I was done with the baby craziness. So we were taking a break till the end of the summer. Well, God had other plans and decided now was the time!!! I am aboslutely THRILLED!!!! :)





Let's see, last week I had numerous tummy aches - no big deal - I was trying not to let my brain convince me I was pregnant because, well, my brain has played tricks on me before.


So, I asked John for a pregnancy test Thursday night...see, during the pregnancy craziness I would take tests too early just to satisfy myself. So, most recently I've been giving the untaken tests to John to hide and he gives them to me when needed! :) So...he wouldn't give me a test. He wanted me to wait till Saturday (today). Well, I couldn't. So when I was at walmart on Friday I bought some! :)





I took one Friday (yesterday) afternoon, even though I know the morning pee is the best. It IMMEDIATELY came up positive! There was no mistaking it! I was beyond shocked I cried. I just sat there and cried...I was so happy and shocked! I thanked God then I immediately called my doctor.





I called to schedule an appointment - which is June 28 (our 2 year anniversary - assuming we are still pregnant by then I will be 7 weeks and we will hopefully get to see a little sac!) I also needed to get an appointment to start my Luperon shots. (which I'll explain more when I start them).





So I'm on the phone with the doctor when John walks in. He gets out a plate and begins to make himself something to eat. I go get my POSITIVE test, walk up behind him, and lay the test on his plate! LOL! He doesn't move and says, "I was going to eat off of that." LOL - then he turned around with a large smile on his face and says I already knew this! He says I've been different the last week and he knew. Poor guy, he's had to deal with a wife in the first few weeks of pregnancy 3 times already in the past year! He's gotten to the point where he can read me pretty well! :)





So anyways! We are pretty hopeful - we decided that's our word for excited. :) We can't really be excited yet because it's too heartbreaking if it doesn't last. So we are hopeful!! If I can just make it to the 28th I will be so thankful....none but the first pregnancy have made it past six weeks. SO, I'm praying to make it to the 28th and then further!





I'm excited to have a preggo buddy! My best friend Amy is pregnant - due December 28 with my second Godchild. :)





Overall, I'm just thrilled right now!! I just pray everything works out how we pray! :)

Since I don't know what date will be given when I actually post these I'll be putting the date on these! :) LOL 6/12/2010

OH! I forgot to say, I'll be 5 weeks on Monday. (you can tell why it was an instant positive huh :) ) and our estimated due date (by my calculation) would be Feb 14, 2011!! Valentine's Day!! :)

Thanks for sharing in my joy!!


God Bless,


Jenna





Dear Lord,


Thank you so much for the blessing of being pregnant. You and I know how hard this road has been for John and I. I thank you for answering our prayers! Lord, I pray for safe keeping of this child. Please help nurture it and develop it! Help my body be a safe home for the little one until it is time for him/her to come out into the world healthy and grown! John and I want a little one to raise in your world. We want to use your word to help our home be a body of Christ - please help us always remember this. God you are amazing and always have our best intrest in your plan. Help John and I remember that as we begin our fourth pregnancy!


We love you and thank you for our little miracle!! In Jesus' name we pray. Amen

How Life Changes

In high school I hung out with many people. But four - recently re-adding a fifth, of us have stayed in touch. Every Christmas we have a "Taco Hut Christmas" which is a delicious restaurant back home. That is our traditional get together time - but we see each other other times throughout the year if we have time. I guess the most recent problem I've been struggling with is they are all still within an hour of Buhler. I see them get together and I'm a little sad that I am so far away. It bums me out that I'm not able to just get together whenever. But I now have my life here. 2 1/2 hours away from home.
Same with my family. After Memorial day weekend I had so much fun with my entire family that I wish I lived close by too - granted, my brother may be getting a job soon and actually moving closer to me!! :) SIGH - I guess it's fine - I can still go home which I guess is a blessing that I'm able to do that.

Another "life changing" thing is my attitude. Man life has been so much better since I haven't been obssessed with getting pregnant. Granted, it's still hard sometimes when I see other pregnant people - or like John and I went to the movies last night where *of course* the main characters were having a baby! LOL - I just have to laugh about it - what else is there to do?? :)

Summer has been going really well! I'm enjoying basically being able to do what I want as I want! :) I've so far gotten quite a few projects done! :) Sadly, I think summer is going to FLY by!! But that's alright....I guess! ;)

As for now, I need to go get ready - because John has asked me to go golfing with him today. In all reality, he will be golfing and I am going to tan while I watch him golf! :) But it's good time together!! :) Because I love my hubby!!

Enjoy your weekend!!!
Jenna

Memorial Day Weekend

My Memorial day weekend was Fantastic!!! I went home to spend time with my family. Let me explain our weekend through pictures!!
This is my niece Rebekkah! We started with a little free - coloring!


Then Bekkah's momma (my sister) bought her a new sprinkler! So Bekkah and her favorite Auntie decided to go running through it! Granted, Aunt Jenna wasn't prepared - so my clothes were soaked!

Styling with our Shades!!!

The Family having a BBQ in the backyard! From Left to Right: Andrew (my younger brother), Jami (my older sister), ME, Dad, Matt (my brother-in-law), Rebekkah (my niece), Mom. Only missing the love of my life - John. He stayed home to work and provide for me! :)

Family played some Croquet! We were on teams and Andrew and I won!!

Watermelon Break!!

Bekkah loves getting ready in the morning with me! She sits on the counter and "does her make-up and hair" while I do. This morning she decided to brush her teeth with me!

Bekkah's first experience driving!

Bekkah at the top of the BIG Tornado Slide!!

And now at the bottom.... :)

Bekkah and I sportin our Pink Shorts!

Sharing Popsicles!!

Overall, my weekend was fantastic! I love spending time with my family! We have a blast together! Usually either John or Matt are working - one of these days they will both be off and we'll have our ENTIRE family together!!

Happy June!! Hope it's a great month for ALL!!!!

Love,

Jenna

Domestic Housewife

Who knew staying home could be so great!! Last summer I didn't have a job - but I also didn't feel like a domestic housewife. Probably because we lived in an apartment and I didn't have a desire to do anything to that place! This year we have our home and I love working on it to help make it pretty!!! :)

John told me last night that if I ever quit my day job (teaching) that I could be a stay at home wife! :) He apparently enjoyed the fact that he's been getting home-cooked meals and a clean home! :) Now, I still have laundry to do....ugh...it never ends! But I have cleaned out our "nursery". It was our junk room but it's almost been turned in to a nursery! Even though we're not pregnant I am still working on it -- since I have time! :) Once it's cleaned out I'm going to peel the icky car wal-paper down and re-paint it (well, prime it - I can't paint it yet cuz I obviously don't know what color I want it). Right now it's painted a BRIGHT Pink (which I love) and a Blue....maybe twins - a boy and girl? I don't know. But it's going to go! :)

So we started a Thursday night Bible Study!! I love it!! I love getting together with people my age and discussing God. We watched "The Golden Compass" tonight. It was an interesting movie. It's really not bad if you don't think of it on a religion stand-point. However, apparently the author is an atheist and so he was writing it against Christianity. However, our group struggled finding where it was against Christianity. But we had some good Discussion with it.

Photo Time!

Three of the Girls in our Bible Study had a birthday within a week of each other! So they're blowing out their ONE candle! :)
The cake! Three cherry-limades for the three girls! :)

These are my cake-cookies I made for 3 of the girls who are in my Bible Study. After all that's what housewives do right? They bake! :)

I am REALLY loving life right now!! :) Thanks for sharing!

Love,

J

Not obsessing

Well, it's been a while. I think I was a bit disappointed in April when I wasn't pregnant so I just kind of left all this pregnant talk behind. My best friend is pregnant -- after trying for 1 month. But I still have to be happy because it is my Godchild growing in her belly. Though, I'll be honest I bawled when I read those words. It was very unexpected - like the noise that came out of me actually shocked me because it was so unexpected. But I'm happy for all my friends who are currently in a happy and healthy pregnancy! I would NEVER want anyone I love to have to go through what J and I are going through.

I just have to put this out there - for a minute ALL my t.v. shows had the main character getting pregnant; or someone pregnant. How annoying. Now, TWO of my shows have had miscarriages. I just cannot escape it!

I have stopped obsessing over getting pregnant. I honestly can't tell you my cycle and stuff anymore I just erased it from my mind. Instead, this summer I am obsessing over losing weight!! :) I bought an elliptical and I hope to lose 20 pounds or so this summer. That's going to be some tough work! Then in August I can resume the obsessing over pregnancy! LOL.

School has officially ended! I am glad to be done with this year! Though, I was surprised by my emotions on the last day. I actually teared up to see my kids leave! I really did tear up to see my Para leave. I'm going to miss her!

So, Since summer is here I am starting to plan camp again. Our campus pastor and I direct an American Baptist camp every summer. We got a lot accomplished today and I am excited for this year's camp once again!!!

Alright, that's all for now. I don't think my life is very entertaining! But I'll keep updating on my day to day adventure!! :)

Love,
J

I have a Dream

Well, I do have a dream....I dream that I will be a mom....and I HOPE that it will be soon!!

The past couple of nights I have dreamt that I was pregnant or having a baby. So I don't know if that's my wishful thinking or if it's a sign! :)

I swear it feels like EVERYONE around me is having a baby. Three out of my eight closest friends are pregnant! And then one is trying to get pregnant. So that's almost 1/2 of my closest friends that are already preggers. Then there's TONS that aren't my closest friends but are friends who are pregnant or just had their baby too. It just stinks. I just wish I could join them!

OH! And if I have to hear "Having a baby is the most amazing thing ever -- you will Love it and be forever changed" I will scream. Like, I KNOW that it will be beyond amazing to have a baby. Thinking about having a little one almost bursts my heart -- I know actually getting to hold my little one WILL burst my heart! Also, I think once you've lost a baby you appreciate everything so much more. I will take NOTHING for granted!

Easter was good. I wasn't around any cute little Easter babies! :) No it was a good time with family. I hope I'm pregnant. Little over a week and I'll find out. I am praying hard!

"Ovulation" Week

This week has SUCKED! I hate the week that I am supposed to ovulate - I am the craziest person I know! And I HATE it! I realize that trying to have a baby works better when you aren't obsessed but what are you going to do?

This week I have felt like people have treated me poorly. Every idea I had at work was QUICKLY shut down - every time I felt pretty NO ONE commented/noticed. Crazy right? Not that people acted that way - but that my mind CONVINCED me this was happening. I'm sure nothing was different. But I was such a crazy wreck this week that's how I felt!!

I have wanted to cry like every day....I'm just so tired of it. I'm so tired of EVERYONE being pregnant. I'm so tired of EVERY t.v. show being about people wanting kids. Like I'm watching Grey's Anatomy right now and every couple is talking about kids. I'm tired of wishing I was pregnant. I'm tired of my medicine making me larger. I'm just tired. tired. tired. tired. tired. tired. tired. tired.

I don't want to feel this way anymore - I just want it to be over. I just want to be a mom. Please God, Please please please. I so badly want to be a mom. My heart aches and I can't take it anymore.

Breathing

This has been a tough weekend for me. No specific reason - just tough. I guess if anything my second baby was due in April and maybe that is what has sparked my feelings?

It's just been tough. I see a baby and I want one so bad my heart aches. I had a friend post some pics of her little girl on Facebook and one of the captions was "I love her so much words cannot express" and my heart ached because I want that SO BAD! SO BAD! Then at church this morning there was like a six year old girl in front of J and I and she came up near our pew and sat on the stairs and was drawing and I just thought to myself - I hope some day I get to have a girl that age. You know?

UGH! It's just been a tough weekend --- a very tough weekend for me. I think right around now is always tough for me because I know this is the time to concieve according to timelines - and then I haave to wait two weeks before knowing if we are pregnant. And it just is a nerve racing time for me. On top of it - I know obsessing over it and the nerves do NOT help me get pregnant if anything they prevent it! So I need to CHILL out! :)


Staying busy has been the key to my weekend. I was bored yesterday so I started going through boxes which are in what we call our nursery. It is a room that is still completely filled with junk and boxes since our Sept move. But I am happy to say that it is looking better! I got quite a bit cleared out - but now other parts of our house need organizing! lol!

Well, I guess I need to go grade some papers. Life of a teacher always have work to do!! I guess I need to count how many more days until summer!! :)

J

Spring is SO Wonderful

So today it was cloudy and rainy...which I don't mind if it doesn't beome too much of a regular thing! But yesterday it was SO beautiful outside!

J and I went out to eat on a date then we came home and went for a walk around our neighborhood. We hadn't done this since we moved in at the end of September. It was wonderful to walk all around! Then we came home and walked around our house deciding what exciting things we wanted to do to our yard this summer! Overall it was just a wonderful time being with J and enjoying life as it is.

You know as I say that this is what life was supposed to be at this point. I said I wanted to be married two years before having a baby. Well, we will come across our 2nd anniversary at the end of June. So in all reality this knowledge of not being able to have a baby and this desire and want and feelingness of something missing shouldn't be. I shouldn't feel like there is something missing. Because this is where I saw myself at this point in my life.

But when we were surprised in January 09 we began to have that feeling of three not two and ever since then I can't shake that feeling. There should be THREE of us here not two. Instead there is two here and three in heaven....THREE. I still am shocked when I realize how many times I have been pregnant in the past year and it is still just J and I.

BUT if I have to find the positive in this I will say God surprised us in January 09 because he knew it would take medical intervention to give us a family. So he wanted us to already be aware of that before we got to our 2nd anniversary and then had to wait longer. Does that make sense? Hopefully with being surprised so early -- and then realizing that we cannot have a baby without medical help (we don't even know if medical help will grant us our family yet) will help us out in the long run. Maybe this next time we'll get pregnant around our 2nd anniversary (or before :) ) and this time everything will be healthy and good and we'll get our rainbow baby!

I found some more blogs of women who are going through the same struggles I am. I find so much comfort in reading their words and knowing I'm not alone. That's the thing people do not talk about miscarriage. It's like a big hush thing and therefore I really feel isolated at times! So reading others blogs REALLY helps. Also, reading those who have struggled with loss and have gone on to have their rainbow babies really encourages me!

Okay, enough of that talk.

This spring my momma is going to come visit and help me plant some pretty, pretty flowers around our yard to help it look more homey! Our yard needs some serious loving to help it look good! And I cannot wait to start making it look pretty and happy!! :)

I've heard rumors it's supposed to be cold this weekend! I am really hoping it's not because I am ready for permanent spring weather!!! :)

I hope you can get out and enjoy it!!

LOVE
----J----

Sigh

Today was a joyous day; I just wish I could have felt the pure joy...you know?

My co-worker became a Grandma today! Which is so exciting! And it is! And I am so excited for her! But I also wish I was pregnant! You know? Baby K (co-worker's grandson) is absolutely adorable; and I'm glad that I can focus on the happy part of life to be excited for her! :)

Which I tell you the only reason I have the strength to be able to still be happy for those I love is because of God. He gives me the strength to still love being around my niece and Goddaughter. To be excited for a co-worker when she gets to have the joy of a grandbaby. Without Him I know I would fall to the awful feelings of jealousy. Because I'm not going to lie those feelings come at times and I think that's why I'm writing today is because I felt those feelings creeping more today than usual. But thanksto God I am able to rationalize quickly and stop those ugly feelings!

But I will tell you I want a baby so badly! I am for sure ready. I took a pregnancy test today. It was negative. I MIGHT still be a day or two too early to test - but I doubt it; I'm sure I'm not yet. Which is really okay - I know it will happen eventually I just need to be patient. This month though I'm going to start charting. See if that helps us conceive.

I'm so ready to make us a family of three instead of two it's not even funny!

I have a friend who is complaining about morning sickness and saying how much her pregnancy sucks...blahblahblah. It takes all my nerves to not tell her to just be happy she's pregnant!!! I have another friend who yes, she has morning sickness and it of course bothers her but she is still thankful for the pregnancy!

The problem is that this "easy" thing: getting pregnant and having a baby - is just not so easy for everyone! I know those who have never had to experience it don't understand but I just can barely hold myself together some days! And then when a person complains about being pregnant I really have to use all my strength not to lose it! :)

OR some parents treat their children AWFUL! AWFUL! I get VERY mad that they were able to have children and here I am, unable to at the moment. You know? I know I won't be a perfect mother by any means - but come on! I'm not going to tell my child to f*** Off! *SIGH*

My rant needs to be over for the time being. As I've said in previous posts I am writing to have a blog of what I have had to go through. Eventually I will share the link with my family and friends. But I think this blog is really to help me. I have always been one that needs to journal out my emotions and I feel this is a great way to do it!

J

Doctor called

Well, I went to the doctor on February 25th for a follow-up. Everything seemed back to normal. She went over the Neonatal specialists report and initally said that he didn't report anything. So I brought up the fact that he talked about blood thinners with me. This made her go back over the report. So we created two plans. Plan 1. I would look into getting an HCG. We needed to check with insurance first and see if we could afford it (for those family members who dont' know - HCG is where they check and make sure my uterus is shaped correctly). 2. I needed to get my blood drawn to check my antibodies? There's a really long name for it hemoglobinlakancidlakdhaldk-something. I don't really know what it's called. But we got my blood drawn and if it came back abnormal then I was going to have my blood drawn in 3 months - if it's abnormal AGAIN then I would go on a shot (lupernol - or something like that) the minute I got pregnant again. SO those were the plans.

Well, Dr. C called me on Thursday and told me that my blood work came back VERY low - which means that in 3 months it would still be low. So we are skipping the waiting 3 months and when we get pregnant I will take daily shots of lupernol (I know it starts with an L) and hopefully that will help!

I am very excited to have a new plan - at the same time I am nervous because after the 2nd miscarriage we had an "answer" and a plan; which obviously didn't work. So I am placing my trust and hope in God that this plan will be His plan and therefore will work! But only time will tell.

I will tell you that next time we get pregnant NO ONE will get to know until week 12. Luckily no family members read this yet. I'm more making it a journal they can look back on if they choose someday. :) I know it seems odd but I feel happiness being able to do this!

Well, Until Next Time!
~J

Well...the anniversary of our first miscarriage passed this week. Luckily my day at school was VERY busy with my kiddos. This really helped I wasn't able to really think about it. However, that evening we had a basketball game, my husband is an assisstant coach for our lady basketball team at our alma mater. This brought MANY memories and feelings flooding back. Since we had basketball games last year and it was pink night again, just like last year. I did good, I think. As I was driving home from the game I was listening to K-Love on the radio, and a song (can't remember which one) came on that talked about God giving you the strength to go on and be strong. I just fell apart because I know it's true, God is there, but it's so hard to be positive all the time. *sigh*

I got a phone call from the dr. office Friday saying I was scheduled for my yearly on Tuesday. I am glad it is - I don't go back to my doctor until March 16 to discuss what the neonatal specialist said, so I'm hoping we can discuss this at my yearly on Tuesday. Because honestly, I am ready to start trying now, and to wait until March 16 to find out what I need to do is just not going to be okay with me.

I have been following many posts of bloggers that are having infertility issues. I'm nervous to actually "follow" them, by adding them. But I'm sure here soon I will. I find it so amazing the friendships and support they have found through other bloggers with the same issues.

I have heard many times this week, with the anniverssary of our miscarriage, how strong and amazing I am. Too bad I don't feel that way. I feel like a swan on water. Above water the swan is so smooth and glides across the water, but below the water they are paddling like crazy. That is EXACTLY how I feel. On the outside I feel as though I have kept my composure pretty well, I place the smile on my face and go through the day to day routine. But on the inside I feel as though I'm wilting. I fight the pain and sadness, the anger and jealousy, so many emotions that I'm not used to feeling and I do NOT like feeling. *sigh* it will get better. I know it will. I will continue to pray that these inner feelings will pass.

On a happy note, my brother called on Friday and asked if J and I wanted to meet him for lunch today! It was great catching up with him! He is my baby brother and I love him dearly! He will graduate college this year and we have always had a very special and close relationship!

Hope all is well with you!
J

Our Story

I was looking at some blogs today and it seemed like a great way to be truly honest with your feelings! I thought it was wonderful so I am going to give a go at it!

J and I met at college in 2004. We dated all through our college career. We got engaged on July 11, 2007 and we married June 28, 2008. We have one of the best relationships I could ever ask for. We have minimal arguments/disagreements and when we do we are quick to apologize and move on! We love adventure and life; we are strong Christians and are very giving people that love to help. J and I are truly in love and love life!

We planned on waiting 2 years from our wedding date to begin to try having babies. Well, to our surprise we found out we were pregnant in January 2009...It took us a week or so to become okay with this - but once we did we were elated!! We loved the thought of turning us two into three! We shared the news with our family and friends and were so excited! Shortly after sharing our news we lost our little bundle of joy. We were devastated... J was mostly concerned about me and wanted to make sure I was okay physically and emotionally - that was one of the hardest things he had to endure was to see my body go through what it went through.

After this I was ready to try right away. I had fallen in love with the thought of having a baby and I wanted to be three now! I placed it into God's hands, tried to be as patient and trusting as possible while I waited to be pregnant again. We found out August 4th that we were pregnant with our second baby! Once again we were excited....yet cautious. Our excitement only lasted a week this time - we lost baby number 2 very early on. As frustrating as it was it was a little easier emotionally and physically. I underwent many many tests after this loss and we found out I had a blood clotting disorder -- which was easily treated with medication!

We found out January 1, 2010 we were now pregnant with baby number 3!!! We were very hopeful with all the medication and caution we were taking we were sure this was going to be the baby we got to hold in our arms!! We knew we were going to wait until week 12 to tell the fam due to the past two. Well, we did not make it to week 12 we again lost our baby. This one there was more anger than any other emotion!!

We went to a specialist, don't really know much right now. But are hopeful that pregnancy number 4 will be the magical one!

The reason I needed to share all of this was because I feel people forget. They forget or feel it is "unimportant" because I never actually had the babies. But they were so apart of me as anything else! And I just need to share the roller coaster of life that I am on. I know it's hard for my husband to talk about it with me, I know it makes my family feel a little awkward -- mainly because they are unsure of what to say; and obviously don't want to say the wrong thing. So my outlet is going to be this post, even if no one reads it! :)

As for now, God Bless!

J